Trust

Honestly i would like to cry right now.

My best friend doesnt' want to talk to me anymore because some stupid kid that she was trying to set me up with sent her some emails......that of the day he was bad mouthing her and i got pissed at him. But instead he changed MY words and added shit and the thoughs to her. Now she won't talk to me becaues the whole thing pisses her off......wtf?

seriously.

he's the one who talks shit about her and I get in trouble because that stupid little bitch changed my sentences?! that's great.

i thought my friendship and trust meant more than some computer nerd's jacked emails.

but apparently not.

it kills me because we've been through so much shit together ten times worse then this and yet here we are.

Trust....so hard to build

so easily lost.

it seems like everyone friendship i have gets fucked over because someone says....no no Lies about something i "said"....it just feels like i keep getting fucked over. week after week. and i hate it so much. It constantly feels like i can't do anything right. The people that i love and care for the most always end up hurting me. Whether its my fault or not (like this). I would just like to be able to trust someone and know that they will be there for me. and work through our fights, not just leave things terrible....because it pisses them off. I'm always the one that comes back and talks sense into my friends when we get into fights. I cave first and say i'm sorry even if i didn't do anything. I hate leaving things badly, or unresolved. to me that's like a wound that won't heal.

I don't want to be that person anymore. I want someone else to cave first so i can see that they actually care about me. so i know i'm not a total fuck up. i just hate not being able to fix things. It makes me feel so empty and worthless. i think i'm really freaking out partly because all the stress that's been building up. this was just like the cherry on my sunday made of spoiled ice cream. I just don't know what to do to make you trust me whole heartedly.  So that you know whatever bullshit people tell you IS really a lie. I'm a straight ford, honest person. And i'm crushed right now. I'm crushed crying upset that my best friend believe's some random kid that's in love with her that she's known for like 3 or 4 months over me and all the shit we've been through. it hurts a lot. =' [