So Let it Go.

I tried to call you last night
but my fingers were tasteless
The numbers were full of falsehoods
my throat, unarmed

I tried to call you but day
made me worry that you really
never existed.

That my ready reading,
hollow head,
tall tendencies,
and ineffable indiffrences
in myself made me lose sight

Plus, the phone booth
was taken by a man with black eyes
his hands dirty, pulse unknown,
lips chapped and filled with words

he reminded me of you

This is farmilar...
 the blue night and bright moon
i breath in,
the crisp, cold air hitting my lungs hard.
makes you want to catch your breath until you realize your breathing in the same cold air that knocked it out of you in the first place.
My ipod bulging out of my pocket, connected to the headphones keeping my ears warm.
winter's coming
the bright colored leaves look dark, the reds turned burgandy, the oranges turn a burnt shade the yellow turned a slight blue compliments of the night.
I think the moon is brightest in October, the witch's month.
I've never seen it so white and brilliant anyother time than the peek of fall.
and i love it.
the cold air and the clarity it brings to my mind.
My favorite time of year. <3

It makes sense now.

So the other day my "friend" is txtin me and telling me all about how he's happy without his ex and that she was so controlling and that yay he's free.
then i see he's back with her today...seriously.
So that's why your answerinf my txts today or yesterday.
the girlfriend that hates me, that you Know hates me so what you start talking to me again after a year to make her mad, to get back at her so you can get back together with her?
cuz i really dont understand. you know she hates me and doesnt you to have anything to do with me. but you decide to start our friendship over again only to throw it away.....Again.
Boy what a waste of my time. well it was nice talking to you while it lasted. im probly just gonna forget about you and delete you from my phone, fb, ect. because i'm just not gonna deal with this.
I mean Yes i miss you we were best friends and then you started dating her and then she sarted hating me and then you stopped talking to me.
and now we can go on with our lives just the way they were before you decided to start this. so have a nice life. =)

it kinda really agrivates me that so many people call you by the nickname i gave you. but whatever that's me being wierd i guess that doesnt mean much either.

There Just Words (back in the college days)

So my best friend is mad at me for something i said a few weeks ago or a week ago idk exactly i didnt really think anything of it until she brought it up the yesterday. Mind you she wasnt around when it was and i said phrased it the way i did because i was already pissed off with the conversation i was having with my mother who i was talking to when i said the statement. i dont know how she found out about it but she did and that's fine i owned up to it. I told her it was me being selfish, stupid and rude. which it was i say alot of mean hurtful things when im angry but so doesnt everyone else. I meant nothing by the comment i made because i was previously aggrivated with my mother, i just wanted her to stop talking.
i understand that my best friend is under a lot of stress right now, but she's not the only one with shit going on in her life. I live in a dorm where girls do nothing but make fun of me EVERY FUCKIN DAY! and that really gets to you after a while. my selfesteem is pretty much gone, and that's fine. its whatever because i know i have my friends to lean on and help build me back up. but idk if i have that anymore. these past few weeks i seem to be good for pissing people off and i dont even understand how i've done it. but apparently i have and it feels like my small close circle of friends is breaking apart. It seems as though im nothing but a dissapointment, terrible friend, and a social freak. I have never felt so alone in my life until this one month of school. that i was completely ready to ride out until the end of the semester. But now i cant even do that.
so that means ive wasted my mother's money that she does not have much of and wasted the time of my teachers and fellow pupils. by being removed from this major i have let down countless numbers of people that cared about me.
I really dont want to lose her as a friend, she is much more than a friend she is family. and to me that means so much more than i could ever try to explain to anyone. but i guess it doesnt mean much to her.if we are indeed no longer friends, its alright. idk what' i'll do. but i wont hold it against her. i know what it feels like to have your world crashing down. it happens to me rather frequently actually and i've learned to handle it and hold on to what matters the most to me. you cant lose your head every single time shit happens that you dont like. and she and i have been through so much together i cant understand why these petty little things are what put our friendship hanging in the balance. i know she's stressed but i cant handle llosing someone so close to me. i know what its like to be left a lone having no one to turn to, and i know she feels like she's backed into a corner because she's been fucked over by pretty everyone that she loves. but i havent fucked her over and i never intended to. She and i have a very even relationship, give and take. we vent to each other and get advise and kinda take care of each other. She is the sweetest person sometimes always thinking of others and being considerate. she's a great person i know this and i wish her family didnt treat her the way they do but that's not my buisness.
I just wish she wasnt so mad at me, she's said things that have honestly brought me to tears but i would never tell her that, i just brush it  off and move on because i know it was never meant to hurt me that greatly. So i let it go, but i dont get the same curtosy and i dont even mind that because i know i say ean things and hurt peoples feelings alot more than i mean to, it just runs in my family its how i was brought up. So Im Sorry. i never meant anything to you by the comment i made. Maybe this friendship is more important to me than it is  to her but i'll be sure to watch my mouth from now on because it made my best friend question our friendship and that might end up being my only regret in life because i love her. she is my second sister. and i wish it was the same way she felt about me. but its okay, now all i can do is wait and see what she decides.