House of mirrors

It seems as though nothing in my life ever makes sense anymore. things just kind of happen and i always learn to find a way to deal with it or get around it. but recently things have stopped.

and i don't know why.

but i hope it picks up again soon. life is boring without crazy random events, liek people just popping up at my house to steal me away or walking to meet up with someone. just random things. they make me happy. they give me someting to look forward too.

i wake up thinking "i wonder what's gonna happen today." and smile

this is my senior year in high school. my last year to cause problems and be crazy, before i get thrown out into the big bad world.

concerning my living condition i don't know yet. i Do know that i'm NOT moving to florida. worst comes to worst i'll end up living with one of my friends. which shouldn't be so bad.

my mom is packing up the house. and its FREAKING me out. Our house is where everyone comes to relax and hangout but now its bland and in boxes.

its like a HARSH reality check. but i guess i needed this.

The memories before it happened.

Do you remember me?

Or was it all a lie?

i wish i could go back to that lake and sit with you. and forget everything and everyone. those days on the lake were unforgettable. laying in the hammock next to you, feeling the warmth from the sun placing goose bumps on my skin. Those days don't feel real....i was too happy to remember the past and too sleepy to forget those moments. It was just you and me at the lakehouse for vaction that year. I wish to relive those moments with you if only for a minute of solance. i would give my life so the world could have you back and see how wonderful you are. i hope your watching over me remembering with me all the amazing trips to the lake where no one could bother us. rest in peice my friend because you truely deserve it.

fuckin whatever,

this past weekend and the beginning of this week have been SO messed up. I seriously feel like shit and i just woke up from like a two hour nap. i think the stress is really wearing out my body. i found out my stress level was super high in psych the other day. which apparently can make you physically ill. Which would explain why i'm sick almost all the time.

• well before i went to sleep i emailed my sister and told her that i wasn't moving to florida. i think that's partly why i feel so terrible and why i went to sleep. She wants me to come down so badly so she can be close to me again. I mean yeah i want to be close to my sister but not right now. i want to stay here with my friends and work things out on my own for now. you gotta cut the cord sometime right? why not right now?

granted i'm still thinking some things through. and i have a few options incase one of the m falls through so i think once my mom moves i've got my butt covered pretty well. i guess for right now we'll just have to wait and see what happens.

oh the Stress

SO here i am on aim when my ex decides to talk to me out of now where. i don't know why or if he was just bored or what. but it was an extremely general conversation. i mean i didn't mind talking to him, i just didn't think we'd talk after fighting about stupid things for so long. but yeah we talked on aim for about five minutes then he went to bed and now here i am wondering what the fuck is going on in the world.....anyways.

So tomorrow i get out of my last class early because i have a doctors' appointment for my jaw. which has been causing me LOTS of pain lately. we have to go donate all these things that didn't sell at the yardsale so we have to find a salvation army. there was something else i had to do but i don't remember what it was. this weekend was so chaotic and tiring. i'm glad its over.

So now i might get a receptionist job and am looking for a place to live. so that i DON'T have to move to florida after i graduate. then there's school. and i have no idea what's going on with my love life. its there i'm just freakin' confused because some people are sending me mixed messages. then there's packing and selling things so we don't have much to take when my mom and i part our ways. i need to talk with guidance at some point this week. i also need to relax at some point this week. i found out the in my psych class my stress level was like 450 ish. which close to needing to see a doctor. which really explains why i'm sick all the time. i have to finish that paper for Ms Booth. and i have a ton of homework to do tomorrow in studyhall. it'll all get done no worries. i jst don't want to do it. well i'm off to bed. school in the morning.

GoodNgiht.