Nothing Special

i hate that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach saying somethings wrong. i hate that i'm falling behind in everything and cant keep up. i hate that way you look at me when your disappointed in me. i hate your judgemental narrow view points on things you know nothing about. i hate that you think you know everything. and i hate that your right about a lot of things. i hate that you were never around when i needed you. i hate that your so disconnected from me. i that you dont even care.

I hate that you look up to me and that you Expect better from me. i hate your condecending attitude. i hate that i meant nothing speical to you. that i meant nothing at all. you made me feel so worthless and terrible for such a long time and now your gone.

Just like that

Gone. 

there's just too much to think about right now. 

i'm so confused and helpless and i HATE it. more than anything i just listed. 

i just dont know how to deal with this....