Today

on this day, i was told that my best friends mother died.

this morning between first and second period this stupid random person told me; because his girlfriend didn't have the balls to tell me. She was too busy putting on a show of sympathy for her friends....saying that she was close with his mom and blah blah blah.....when i know how much she has bad mouthed his mother and used to say how much she hated his mother. But now all of a sudden she loves his mother and she was amazing....sympathy whore.

At first i didn't understand why i was crying i mean i've met her and had dinner with his family and what not. and watched tv his his mother and had a few long conversations and i guess it just hit me harder than i expected. I've been crying off and on all day and as a result i have a terrible migrain. i'm not going to french or math because both classes are ridiculously loud. Being in the condition i am i would probly end up hurting someone. which is what i have been trying to aviod all week.

i just don't know what to do right now. i want to call him and comfort him but he's with his family and his girlfriend so i feel a little out of place. i think i'll just call him when i get home. and see how that goes. this has completely thrown off my entire day. It had way more of an affect on me than i thought it would, i mean i knew it was comming once the doc said she was terminally ill what else can you expect. i know it sounds terrible but i've been through this a few times to know what the deal is. Of course there is hope and there maybe a will.....but from what i've seen there isn't always a way. And i think that hurts me more than anything because i don't want to see one of my best friends hurting like this.

i just......

i don't know where to go from here.

i'm lost.